he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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