Soap is not a condiment
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
