Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
and i looked up. we had an audience...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
