if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
