Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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