You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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