Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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