somebody snuck up and got me drunk
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
