While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
