I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
