ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
