does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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