She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
