when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
