she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
