Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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