her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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