Who did Billy Mays play for?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
