My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
