No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
