i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
