i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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