atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
