he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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