you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
