Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
