You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Why can't burritos get me drunk
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
