Christians are straight up FREAKS
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
