Where are you?
In a non slutty way
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
