i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
