How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
