obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You're a waste of cheezeits
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
