I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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