I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
