Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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