The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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