I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
