I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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