my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
No...this little piggys going to the bar
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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