So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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