Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You're earring is so big in my mouth
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
