I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
