Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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