I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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