I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
