So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
