its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
