am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
