what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
