It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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